07 | Free as a Bird?

Whenever I talk to people back home, I find myself answering many of the same questions. One of them is: When you are in South Sudan, what do you miss the most? 

The most obvious (and very true) response is family, friends, and chocolate. 

But there are two more things, that I would like to mention, which make life in South Sudan special. 

Freedom.
I miss the freedom to hike mountains on the weekend. The freedom to move freely in public space. I miss going for a run after work, especially after a stressful or frustrating day at work. The freedom to go for a walk in town — at 2 AM in the morning if I feel like it. Not that I would frequently go for a walk in the middle of the night, but it is the mere possibility that I could potentially do it, that makes all the difference. 

I began to feel how a restricted life in a compound can cause frustration, stress, and anxiety. Personal life is largely determined by curfew at 8 PM, complete lock-down during the night, and a sign-out board for everyone to share where they are, with whom, and for how long. Challenging — to say the least. 

Law.
I have experienced circumstances in South Sudan, which made me wish there was a law.* It is a scary moment to realize that there are no rules for or against certain actions (not) to happen. I remember finding myself in situations where I simply did not understand what was happening. I knew that something was expected of me, and I had to act according to rules which were clearly made up as the scenario evolved — exceptionally tricky, but not an exception. 

Having lived most of my life in a safe and structured environment, I have been shockingly oblivious to the fact that rules allow for a life of freedom. Shamefully, I must admit that hardly ever in my life have I truly appreciated the mere existence of a law. I simply took it for granted. My previous perception of laws was rather restrictive than enabling — “I can’t do this, and I am not allowed to do that.”** 

It is a life behind gates and barbed wire that made me realize how valuable legal and moral laws are. Lawlessness is not freedom. Lawlessness leads to chaos and violations of human dignity. 

As a Christian, I have often felt the 10 commandments to be more restrictive than enabling. I think I am one step closer to understanding the purpose of ethical guidelines on living together and loving one another. 

Best, Markus